T Campbell's Blog

Written by T Campbell with Meg Campbell, Laura Whedon and Jack Graham. To be read at the memorial service Wednesday in Atlanta.

--------------------------

Alexander Hawkins “Sandy” Graham III loves golf, basketball, football, baseball, real estate, the University of North Carolina, and all his family. But especially golf. We say “loves” because his passing cannot alter his affections. They resonate as clearly today as they did during his life.

Growing up in North Carolina, Sandy caused quite a stir among the ladies of Durham with his rugged good looks and affable, self-deprecating charm, two traits he’d retain all his life. After dating one Susan Budd and a Susan Hill, he finally found the Sue Graham he was looking for in Suzanne Bittner. Another Sue Graham, little Suzanne, followed some years later. Four years after that, Suzanne’s little sister was permitted to break the pattern and take the name “Ali.”

Sandy spent some of his best years at the University of North Carolina, with the legendary Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity. It gave him four lifelong friends, Bob Colyer, Loyal Wilson, Lester Martin and Trammell Newton. How many among us can count four close friends that we have known for forty years?

Sandy was a man who made his favorites known. All his friends and family knew his favorite chair (a comfortable burgundy leather armchair in the TV room), his favorite channel (The Golf Channel, of course) and his favorite shirt (a droopy muscle shirt which was nobody else’s favorite but his).

His sisters, Meg Campbell and Laura Whedon, have a few words I’d like to read to you. Meg says:

“As a little brother, Sandy was most unsatisfactory. His independence was frustrating; I wanted an obedient sibling-servant who would do as he was told.

“That was never Sandy! Even then, he displayed a sturdy self-confidence that resisted outside influence. He would not be shaped or molded by anyone else. We were usually on opposing sides of any issue. Once, to illustrate his feelings, he bit me on the leg. After he learned to read, he stole my diary from under the bed and read it aloud to his friend Fritz.

“But that was then. As time passed and we grew up, Sandy and I were amazed to find ourselves on the same page about nearly everything. We certainly agreed on how wonderful his wife Sue was and later on how very special his two beautiful daughters Suzanne and Ali were. We agreed that family was a treasure and we cherished ours. And in these last years, we agreed that life is precious and worth fighting for, even when the struggle is hard and the deck is stacked.

“I revised my early opinion long ago. I have been so fortunate to have Sandy and his girls, all three of them, in my life. In all ways he was far more than satisfactory. He was a dearly loved and most excellent brother.”

Laura says:

“Sandy was nine years old when I was born. When called upon to care for me, he would feed me cookies to keep me happy. That’s why I always had a soft spot for him. Through the years I would be excited to see my older brother when he came home on vacations from Woodberry to Carolina. He had other things on his mind besides Little Sis, but always had kind words, maybe sometimes even teasing words, for me. I loved having a big brother but our lives were in different places at different times. But then he married Sue and I married Arthur only a year and a half later. We both had two girls. Our oldest children were born 6 days apart. Suddenly we had a lot in common. I loved getting to know Sandy all over again, not only as a brother but as a husband to Sue, a father to his children, and a friend to me.”

Everyone who knew Sandy has a favorite Sandy story. One of the best in recent memory involved his younger brother Jack. Jack fell victim to a vicious attack from Sandy on the golf course. During the Member Guest Golf Tournament at Hope Valley Country Club, while innocently completing his golf scorecard, Jack was in the way of an errant tee shot from his brother and got a line drive in his upper back. Although Sandy exhibited some signs of remorse, the situation was not lost on the crowd, which couldn’t believe the extent to which sibling rivalry can be pushed. Jack got over the shock long enough to provide these comments…

“Sandy was the big brother everyone wished they had, someone to look up to and someone who always left big shoes to fill wherever I went. In Carr Junior High, in Woodberry Forest, and in UNC and the SAE house, I made my own trails, but found that easier because of the paths Sandy had beaten, the good impressions he’d made on everyone I met. In our adult years, Sandy and I had even more in common. We each had two wonderful daughters, careers in real estate, and a practical but humorous outlook on life. One day we’ll tee off together again, and I’ll still tell him to balance his weight and not try to outdrive Tiger.”

And all his family remembers the story that ran in the paper, from Sandy’s wayward youth.

As all small children inevitably must, little Sandy had pushed his father’s patience as far as it could go. The specific offense is not important. What is important is that his father took him aside and spoke sharply and at some length. As the berating continued, Sandy began to cry. His father began apologizing, allowing that perhaps he might have gone too far, but Sandy was inconsolable. Finally, his resources exhausted, his father asked him, “I’m sorry I’ve upset you, son, but please, why are you crying?”

“Because,” little Sandy bawled, “you’re wasting my time!”

Sandy did not waste time. After he was first diagnosed, he made the ensuing years three of the best years of his life, taking trips to Tuscany, Southern France and England, and playing 111 rounds of golf.

His 112th round began this Sunday. He is just now reaching hole nine on Cloud Nine, graciously extending the Archangel Gabriel a handicap. We will miss his good nature, but his life, well lived, is an inspiration to us all in our time on this Earth.